


I always feel loved when I'm with you

by momothespicy (momothesweet)



Category: Free!
Genre: Emotional Sex, F/M, Other, Reader-Insert, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 12:28:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17059772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momothesweet/pseuds/momothespicy
Summary: Sousuke can feel how tense you are when he walks you home. You try to ignore his gaze boring into you, clawing through your skin and blood vessels to get to your soul. As if he can find the answer there. Maybe he can, if he searches long enough and you can finally put words to what you’re feeling when he inevitably asks--“What’s wrong?”





	I always feel loved when I'm with you

**Author's Note:**

> I miss my big ol' whale shark boy
> 
> Inspired by the ficlet ["Merge" by Oz!](https://owlespresso.tumblr.com/post/180663651168/merge-yamazaki-sousuke) I really loved the mood of their piece and it's been a while since I've done something a little more introspective.

Sousuke can feel how tense you are when he walks you home. You try to ignore his gaze boring into you, clawing through your skin and blood vessels to get to your soul. As if he can find the answer there. Maybe he can, if he searches long enough and you can finally put words to what you’re feeling when he inevitably asks--

“What’s wrong?”

You nearly stop in your tracks when he breaks the silence. Nothing really gets through him, can it? Still trying to ignore his gaze, you curl in on yourself and take a deep breath, then put on a smile. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

It’s not convincing enough this time. Sousuke halts the both of you, taking you by the shoulders and holding you as gently as he can. A long minute passes and you find the courage to look into his deep ocean eyes. Your heart drops when you can see just how worried he actually looks.

And yet, it’s not enough courage to get you to say what’s on your mind. “Sou, I said I’m fine--”

“You’re not fine,” he says. “I can see it. You’re not telling me.”

Though it’s all true, you wish you could explain to him what’s been so bothersome these last few weeks. It’s not  _ bad _ , per se, it’s just...off. You take another breath in as you attempt to put your thoughts together, taking a half-step back from him.

Sousuke lets go of you and studies your face. He grows softer, sadder, and your brain works faster to keep him right where he’s standing. “Is it me?”

“No!” you exclaim, shaking your head then pausing. “Well, I mean--yes, but--”

He says your name and it strikes a chord in you. It’s loud enough to bring you some clarity, some semblance as to how you’re going to go about this issue. Taking his hand, you look up at him and ask, with all of the sincerity in your heart, “Do you love me?”

As if you blatantly injured his shoulder again, Sousuke goes pale. You’ve never seen him like this before: lost, speechless, frantic. He raises a hand to your cheek, his thumb barely grazing your skin. “Of course I do. Am I--Am I not doing enough?”

You shake your head again and lean into his hand. “No, that’s not it. Come up to my place. Can we talk?”

Sousuke’s never agreed to anything else wholeheartedly. Getting away from the cold evening air, you lead him into your apartment and shed your coat and boots. Sousuke’s so lost in thought, he forgets to get out of his outerwear when he steps inside and heads straight for the living room. You follow him and take a seat. In another first, you notice him tap his fingers rapidly against his thigh. Sighing, you take his hand again.

“Um,” you start off jaggedly, “I asked you that because sometimes...it’s not that you’re  not doing enough.”

His fingers tighten around yours. “I’m doing too much?”

You stumble over your reply and recover, “I wouldn’t say that either. There’s something about you that’s just...like, when we’re in bed together, I don’t feel like I’m there.”

Sousuke sours. “I’m bad in bed?”

“Sousuke, no,” you say, taking more control of yourself and your words and grabbing his cheeks yourself so he can face you and listen and you can pull yourself together. He pays attention as you continue, “It’s a weird feeling that I don’t know how to explain. You’re not bad at all. I mean, fuck, you’re amazing.”

The compliment helps. He relaxes some and you move closer to him, blushing as you think about how he _ is _ amazing, “I just want things to be different sometimes. I want...I want to feel present when I’m with you.”

That doesn’t seem to help. Sousuke’s gaze begins to spark again, attempting to decipher what exactly you mean by that.

“You don’t have to fuck my brains out every single time,” you clarify with more confidence. You come in closer and peck his lips, which he gladly accepts, “That’s not a requirement, you know.”

Sousuke lets that sink in while you unbutton his coat in an effort to take it off. You shift to sit on his lap, still maintaining eye contact and tossing the offending clothing to the other side of the couch. “It’s like when you ate too fast while you were young and your mom asked you, ‘Did you even taste the food?’ So like when you’re with me…” you blink rapidly and drop your hands to his chest, avoiding his eyes once more, “I was just wondering if you could even feel what’s happening and what you’re doing to me.”

He says your name, more hurt this time as he embraces you tightly. Your breath stutters and it takes all of your energy not to cry on his shirt when he apologizes with a simple, quiet, “I’m sorry.”

You let go. There isn’t much to be said when you’ve given Sousuke enough to think about, especially when you start crying and melt into a mess of a person in his arms. In no way, shape, or form do you want him to ever leave your side. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t try and make things better, including the things that are hard to discuss. Then again, this isn’t exactly  _ hard _ . It’s more...emotionally abstract.

Whatever you want to call it, you’re thankful Sousuke can understand. He kisses the top of your head and presses his palm against your back. “You mean everything to me. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to show you properly.”

His words are more than enough for you to forgive him. After wiping away your tears, you face him again for another kiss, a slow one to drive the point home, to inject it into his head that not everything needs to be done with intense focus and precision. The moment will pass quickly and he’s allowed to take his time, to live, to share the feeling with you. You can feel the bit of impatience remaining within him, especially when he bites your lip and mutters yet another apology. “I can never get enough of you.”

“Heh. I’m not going anywhere,” you remind him. You push the hair out of his face and kiss him between your pleas, “Slow down. Enjoy us. Love me.”

And he does indeed love you. He says it several times over when he kisses your neck, rubs your back, massages your thighs over your jeans. The heat rises gradually in your chest, your heart pacing itself instead of preparing for the adrenaline rush that comes with manhandling and tearing your clothes off. In turn, you’re able to enjoy him, too. His triumphant return to swimming has done magical things to his physique, as if he wasn’t already hot from the start. Maybe it’s the confidence that’s been restored, or the bonds he’s strengthened with Rin and his friends back in Japan. In any case, you’re able to get his shirt off and kiss every muscle you can get your lips on. It’s a reward all by itself to hear him chuckle and twitch away from you when you kiss just the spot right under his nipples.

“Stop,” he laughs as he tries to take your shirt off, too. “That tickles.”

“I know.” You giggle and kiss his neck. “I figured that out the first time I stayed the night with you.”

“Mm. You...haven’t done it since.”

“I know,” you say again. Coming up, you peel off your shirt and poke his nose at the sight of his frown. “I’ve tried, but  _ someone  _ gets too eager to rip my clothes off.”

Sousuke grumbles. You kiss the spot again briefly and grind your hips against his when you speak, “Hey. I’ve already forgiven you. Relax.”

You give him a second and he nods, unhooking your bra as he’s done so many times before and taking that off so he can have his turn to put his mouth on you. Every kiss, every lick is more scorching than the last. You moan quietly, encouraging him by tugging his hair.

Each of your breasts gets the perfect treatment. Sousuke’s tongue really does wonders, tasting you like candy until his saliva glistens on your nipples. It’s naughty and kind of hot and it’s so much better when he growls and anticipates so much more from this evening. As a reward for his work, you slide off of him and he watches you strip down until you’re bare. Your eyes don’t leave his when the rest of his clothes come off, too.

“Come here,” he murmurs while he strokes his cock. “I need to touch you.”

“Do you, now?” You slink to him, taking your seat on his lap and kissing him deeply. His groan his low, rumbling, and a free hand finds its place between your legs to play with your dripping cunt. You pulse around him, struggling to keep your tongue wrapped in his. 

He slides his fingers back and forth and teases to his heart’s desire. You nearly trap his fingers with your thighs, but he’s fast enough to keep your legs open with his other hand and give you what you want. Sousuke pushes one finger inside you, then two when he knows you’re wet enough to take them both. Breaking your kiss, you press your forehead to his shoulder, moaning his name and how good it feels to be stretched open like this. You scratch your nails down his chest, moving ever so slightly to gain more friction from his fingers that curl right to that sweet spot inside of you.

“You feel so good,” he says, grabbing your hair to pull you gently out of hiding so he can look at your face, needy and heated. “Is this what you want?”

You nod. “Fuck. Sousuke, please—“

He shakes his head, then captures your lips in a kiss. “Not yet.”

You could easily defy him; you could get your fingers on your clit, come on his fingers, let your neighbors know that he’s at your place again. Sousuke doesn’t allow it, though, because he pulls his fingers out right when you’re on the edge. You whine in protest as you watch him suck his fingers. The smug look on his face doesn’t help. 

“Shh. I’m here,” he says, arranging you right over his cock. “I’m here for you.”

Sousuke slips right inside you, moving at a snail’s pace to fill you up deliciously. So many times you’ve done this, so many times you’ve felt the rush run through your body, and it never gets old. Now is more special, because he watches you tilt your head back, part your lips, and cry out. His hands around your hips are tight, aching to bring you down on his own but refusing to do so per your words earlier tonight. You appreciate the gesture and seat yourself fully on his cock, trembling from the fullness. 

With his help, you ride him slowly. Up and down, he keeps you steady, looking at you with such reverence your heart hurts and you could cry again. You hang onto his shoulders, savoring each thrust more than the last. Sousuke barely moves inside you, and yet he’s making the same impact he would if he were to pin you to this couch and mutter the dirtiest shit in your ear. An air of intimacy fills the room, and it seeps through your skin each time Sousuke kisses you or grazes your g-spot. 

“Sousuke,” you whisper, tightening around him, “I want more.”

He grunts, nudging his hips up in a sudden move to make you whimper. “Are you sure?”

You nod. “Show me that I’m yours.”

At first, Sousuke continues to move you at the same pace. Then, when he hits your g-spot again with the tip of his cock and you dig your nails into his skin, he picks it up by a small margin. Even so, he can still enjoy your moans, the way your tits bounce, the way you soak his cock every time you take every inch of him. Knowing full well that you’re close, he rubs your clit with his thumb and thrusts his hips deeper into you.

“I love you. Come for me.”

It’s the easiest command to fulfill. You drop onto his cock and moan loudly, grabbing his hair instead of one of his shoulders for more leverage. He lifts you when his hips nudge up several more times. He comes with you, filling you up and pushing you flush to his chest. You feel his rapid heartbeat, his warm skin coated thinly in sweat, the tenderness in the way he says your name. You’ve reached your high differently this time around. There are no stars or cloudiness or any euphoric sensation. There’s Sousuke, and he’s all you need. He’s all you ever wanted.

The air settles a bit, heavy breaths taking over and the need for a shower becoming more prominent. Sousuke rubs your back upon pulling out and cleaning up some of the mess with some tissues. He works out any tension that may have formed while you arched your back for him earlier.

“How do you feel?” he asks.

You can’t help but laugh. “How do you think I feel?”

“Better. Relaxed.” He pauses. “Loved?”

“Yes to all of those things,” you say, lifting your head up to kiss his jaw. “Do you feel the same way?”

“Mm. I always feel loved when I’m with you.”

“Aww. You’re a giant sap!”

Sousuke turns away briefly, the blush bright on his cheeks. You tap his chin so he can look back at you. “I’m glad we got to do this,” you say. “You mean everything to me, too.”

He takes a hold of your hand and kisses the inside of your wrist. “Tell me if there’s anything else bothering you. I want to be the best for you. Always.”

You hum thoughtfully, then break free from his grasp to take a hold of his chin. “You snore after sex.”

Sousuke furrows his brows. “So do you.”

A moment of silence, and you two burst into laughter. Nobody can tell you otherwise that Sousuke is the perfect (and sometimes imperfect) man for you.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments, kudos, feedback and Sousuke Yamazaki are greatly appreciated. <3
> 
> [Tumblr](http://peachofwork.tumblr.com)


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